Ok, I admit I have been putting this post off. I partially didn’t want to have to face it, but if I did I wanted to do a video for you, but can’t find my camera ANYWHERE. I think I left it at my sister’s house over the holidays.
So YES, I finally had a HUGE meltdown and caved, BIG TIME! I had been craving for a couple days. The drive home after the holidays was brutal, because it was late at night, I was sad, hungry and tired…the killer combo for me. But I was really, really good and resisted. Then the next day, bad cravings still, but I resisted. By day three of horrible cravings I just could take it anymore!
I was tired of being good, being different, not able to handle the indulgences that everyone around me was. I was also sad about being away from some of my family and stressed about what to do with myself in the new year without the safety net of a normal job.
So on my way home from a meeting I stopped to get gas and a $1 movie rental from the kiosk and just had a melt down. And so no, I didn’t call my great sponsor, Mr. Health Guy. I should have, but honestly I WANTED wanted to be bad and eat that chocolate bar; I didn’t want to be talked out of it. I was tired of not being able to indulge just once.
It made me really sick but honestly now looking back I can’t say I regret it. Yes, it has now caused me to feel like I’m starting at day 1 again, because now the cravings are back and resisting every day is really tough.
However, I’ve never been one for regrets and this is just another instance of me learning a lesson and truly realizing that unlike a lot of people I really don’t have control of it. I can’t indulge just once and then leave it alone. It is a struggle for me and I want to indulge everyday. I want to be one of those people that can eat whatever and have it not effect me (like I was when I was 20), be able to take it or leave it with no problem. But I’m not one of those people and I this relapse illustrated that.
So here I am again, back in the saddle of cutting it out all over again. I probably won’t post everyday, because I’m not sure you want a rehash of all of that. However, I will post at least a weekly recap on here to hopefully spark some discussion.
And every day I will strive to make this true:
I would love your comments, because it’s good to not feel alone in all this! Thanks for reading.
